I just found out josh is coming home this weekend… I feel as if my brain might explode there’s so many things going on once I leave Florida ! I am excited for all of them though, but now it’s time to skimboard or play settlers of cataan.
so some things have been causing me to think about the past
and i came across some of my old writing from high school. i’m not sure what to think about it at the moment.
It’s hard to understand you. It’s like you are a splatter of paint on a canvas that everyone knows in their hearts is meaningless, but they pretend, and try their hardest to believe it has some deep emotion so as not to be left out.
Sometimes your color stands out, and I think I can see what the artist’s purpose was, but then, like a door slamming shut you close up on me again. I examine you from every angle, ” maybe if i just lean to the right and squint a little I will be able to figure it out”…
wrong. It’s more complicated with every new glance.
the closer I think I am getting to you, the farther out of reach you become. I question the artist in my head… ” What is this, what are you trying to portray, is it worth it?” And in the silence that follows a thought pops into my head, ” Yes, it’s worth it, don’t give up yet, the painting is beautiful, you just can’t see it yet.”
Great. Patience. Just what I have the least of.
I feel, deep down like I am doing the wrong thing by being here, staring at the mixture of paint that looks like a paintball war zone. Are we a war zone? Are we pointless and messy? Yes, what is the point in hitting each other with little circular spheres full of paint? It is fun, but it also strikes your body like heavy hail stones. I wouldn’t want my car to get hit with hail stones, let alone my self, so why would I want to be hurt by this?
I wish it wouldn’t hurt. I wish you were not an abstract painting, but a direct equation, so I could find x very easily. The confusing part is I bet you are cold deep down- yet I also know the artist tells me to keep digging and searching until I find that bright light you have somewhere and pull it out even though it is a giant game of tug or war. There is this one magnetic force pulling me towards you in all sorts of ways, while also ripping me apart. Sometimes we are both positive or negitive, pushing the other away like those little trains we all played with when we were children, the opposites chasing themselves around the track. But then, when the right combination- a positive and a negitive, pulling each other along together:
I look at you now in a new light. Even though you aren’t perfect, neither am I, and I need you to pull me, no matter how slowly…around that little wooden track that hopefully the children playing will never have to put away.
i wish i could pick up athens and all the people in it (minus all the drunk frattys with their croakies) and squeeze them into the space between austin and san marcos. then i would grab josh and LA and put them somewhere between san marcos and san antonio. i would then move nyc about an hour away from all of us, and pick up all my graduated friends, rand and alison and throw them into any of the spaces i mentioned. that would be awesome, and i would get to see everyone and have things to do all the time. good plan? i will get started on it.
T&S launched a new website today and it’s awesome! It’s so simple while offering lots of information, complete with a blog that will apparently be udpated. I love when bands get new websites that use social media to keep their fans in the know!
17“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20So he got up and went to his father. ”But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[a]’
22“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
my favorite image is of the Lord running towards me to bring me home. it makes me emotional every time. I can’t believe He would want to run towards me, he is so beyond words.